My Mommy Has The Keys, I can't go out now...
I met this girl at a pub one night. She seemed pretty cool. She gave me her number and email and we tried to hook up a few times, but schedules were not syncing. We finally worked out a night that she and I could meet up for drinks. Cool. Casual drinks, see what she is all about. She's a pretty hot little number and I was pretty keen on the hook up.
The night comes round and I ring her to make sure she is still good to go. I leave a message on her answer phone but NOT my name. I get a call back 30 minutes later - it is her. I answer the phone. "Hello".
She asks me "Hi - Is this Brian, the guy I met last night? Is that you?"
To which I respond. "Ah no (your favorite odd moment pause here), its Bob, I thought you and I were hooking up tonight?". Now she was silent for a second, I guess she had to do some quick thinking - she continued "Oh yes, yes we are on for tonight - 90% sure we can do it. I need a bit of time after work to go home first, so lets hook up at suchandsuch subway station at 10:30". "Sounds good" I exclaim. "BUT I will call you FIRST when I am leaving". Fine - I figure she is just being courteous, you know how ladies like to take their time getting ready for dates.
Well, at 10:10PM the phone rings - I figure its her. "Hello" I answer the phone. "Hi its me. I got some bad news. I can't really hook up with you right now - but maybe we can hook up later.". Hmmmmm so something is up - sounded fishy to me, but she continued .. "...You see I got home and no one was here. My Mom left and did not leave me any keys, and now I am stuck at home until my mom comes back, and I don't know where she is." Wow - I thought to myself - this is THE WORST and SADDEST excuse I have ever herd for jumping ship on a date. She obviously wanted to get out of the date, but I figured I would play this out for my amusement. I said to her "Okay so I guess you have to wait till she gets back. You call me when she gets back and we can make it a late night. If it gets too late, just call me anyway to say you are packing it in.". "Okay I will call you either way" she says.
Now I am no idiot, I expected no phone call and immediately made alternative plans. And of course she never called. The next day or two I get an email from her saying something contradictory to the story about her mother having the keys. She wrote something along the lines of "My little brother was supposed to tell me". Bla bla BS-BS Yeah right. She wanted to hook up later in the week for a few hours "before she meets up with friends" she wrote, but I just deleted the email.
What a loser. I just hope that, if she reads this, she doesn't show her mommy... And by the way, if you haven't figured it out yet, if "Mommy" had the keys, then how did she get in the house after work? Not too smart!