Lois and I were on our first date. We had met through a mutual friend at a party and decided to spend most of the day together. We were really hitting it off at lunch when suddenly my IBS flared up. For those of you that don't know IBS is Irritable Bowel Syndrome.

I excused myself to go to the washroom but halfway there it was already too late.. I took a dump in my pants. It was a terrible mess when I got to the washroom... I did what I could to clean up the my underwear was toast and the smell was just awful. Now "commando" I plotted my next move.

Thinking fast I asked Lois if we could stop by The Gap, which was in the mall, and then attempted to keep as far away from her as possible. My pants were soiled on the inside and needed to be changed so I figured I could just buy a new pair and swap them out without her knowing.

I'm a reasonably successful guy in my late 40's, divorced but no kids. I was tired of dating older women and wanted to try on a 20 something lady on for size. The problem is where do meet somebody half my age?

I turned to the web, and Sugardaddie, in particular. After just two days I had already arranged my first date with a hot 27 year old Russian blond with a killer bod. She explained that she was tired of dating unsophisticated men. I would love to have a hot girlfriend to spoil, I responded.

Our dinner date went perfectly, she laughed at all of my jokes, batted her beautiful blue eyes at me, and seemed fully engaged throughout the night.

At the end of the date I dropped her off at her place. She invited me in, but being a gentlemen I suggested perhaps on our next date. She said "great, now if you'll just give me $400 I'll get out of the car."

I am 48, look about 43, and say I am 39 in my FriendFinder profile. I like younger ladies, 25 to 30 range, but I rarely find one willing to date somebody over 40... hence the little fib.

Last weekend I hooked up with this "24" year old from the site for drinks. Twenty-four was a tad bit young, even for me, since I find I have nothing in common with girls that don't know who the Beatles are. Also, at some point the age gap just becomes creepy.

Anyway, this girl showed up, and I mean girl, she looked like she might be under the drinking age. Eventually we both admitted that we had made slight age adjustments in our profiles. Turns out she was 18... oh oh!

I quickly finished my drink and got the hell out of there before they arrested me for providing alcohol to a minor.

I have since amended my profile and also indicated I am absolutely not interested in anybody under 25.

Whoops!